Should a Christian tell their children what to think about gender issues?

This post is not an attack on you or how you live your life, if you disagree with the Bible, feel free to skip this article entirely. I still love you. If you have any questions about God or his unconditional love for you, please email me at

Several months ago, I encountered a parent who expressed that they were uncomfortable with “the church” talking to the kids about gender and sexuality issues. They felt more comfortable letting their child “figure it out for themselves.” As we talked further we discussed how modern sexuality, gender, and marriage thinking varied from how we were raised. In the end, this other parent didn’t know if the values they were raised with were correct. This person had stuck to the social norms of the time they were born without a second thought, but, with so many other people now living out different lifestyles , they had grown unsure as to whether or not the traditional roles of prior decades are helpful or necessary. As the conversation continued, it was obvious that the parent had more questions than answers, and didn’t want to harm their child. In short, this parent was confused. In the face of a confusing issue, they neither trusted themselves, nor their church to give their child the right answer. They had made the definitive decision to let the child decide how to act, behave, and identify themselves where gender, sex, and marriage was concerned.

This person stated that they believed in the Bible and liked church, but didn’t feel it was the church’s business to be involved in such things. Although left unsaid, it logically followed that they were OK with the public school system and society influencing her child according to an ever changing set of rules that the parent didn’t know or understand. Today, we’re going to cover what the Bible says about how we’re to raise our children, and whether or not it can help with the topic at hand.

If you don’t believe that the Bible is inerrant (100% true), then you’re going to take issue with many things I’m about to say.

God’s word is true and useful in all situations and for all time.

“All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.”

2 Timothy: 3:16-17

The Bible is not only inerrant and true, but it’s useful today. It’s useful in training all of us and our children how to think and behave, and to equip us to help get through life, serve God, and help other people. If you read verse above closely, you’ll see that with scriptural training and correction, God’s servant will be thoroughly equipped for every good work. Even though the Bible was written 2000+ years ago, and many things have changed, the Bible’s teachings will thoroughly equip us for every good work. We can also be prepared to raise our children in this confusing world so that they also can be prepared and equipped.

God wants you to lead your children in knowledge and peace

“For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace…”

1 Corinthians 14:33(a)

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

Proverbs 22:6

Confusion is an enemy of peace and when confusion exists, we need to take the time to seek God about it. It’s our responsibility to teach our children about God, and how to walk in his peace and avoid the torment that confusion and darkness brings. We need to first go to the word of God to find these answers. But I can hear you asking, “How could the Bible tell us about gender affirming surgeries at birth, or abortions when the mom’s life is at risk, or… anything that didn’t exist when the Bible was written?”

The Holy Spirit reveals truth for today and tomorrow

“But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth… and he will tell you what is yet to come.”

John 16:13(a,c)

Jesus wrote the above scripture, referring to the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit was sent to Earth after Jesus ascended back into heaven. The Holy Spirit is also known as The Comforter. The Spirit is here and present with us to teach us, and reveal things to us. The Holy Spirit reveals universal truths, truths specific to us and our situations, and even the future. That doesn’t mean we can be fortune tellers, but it does mean that, if we walk in The Spirit, The Spirit will reveal things to us ,in the moment, and at the perfect time so that we can walk in God’s peaceful, perfect, and orderly will.

The Holy Spirit has gifts for you and your children

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long-suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.”

Galatians 5:22-26

When we know God’s word and follow after the Holy Spirit, we freely receive these gifts. When we teach our children to follow after God, we’re allowing them to experience love, joy, peace, and all the other promises of God. This obviously leads to a better life. It should be clear at this point, that it’s God’s will that we train up our children in this way, so that he can bless them and they can live a life full of blessings and truth, while avoiding fear, confusion, and darkness. Now that we know why God wants us to lead our children in his ways, we can now ask “What does God want us to know about love, marriage, sex, and gender?”

God’s word is true, even if we think otherwise

“There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death.”

Proverbs 14:12

In the garden of Eden, Eve let the serpent take advantage of her own desires and flawed human logic to trick her into believing a lie. The serpent convinced her that God’s command didn’t make sense, and that if Eve disobeyed, she’d actually become wise and would not die. She (and the serpent) manipulated God’s (misquoted) words to satisfy her own flawed logic, in an attempt to justify her desires. Because of her actions, death entered the world. This story illustrates that God’s promises are specific, and true. When we alter God’s word to fit our logic, it may seem right, but it may end in death.

Modern day serpents

“Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love…”

1 John 4:8(a), 18(a)

The world has a saying as of late: “love is love”. It’s just a slight alteration of 1 John 4:8 where it says that God is love (what could possibly go wrong?). Society has a habit of redefining words again and again until the original definition hardly bears resemblance to its current use. In its current state, the saying “love is love” is absolutely, without a doubt, referring to sexual relationships between any group of 2 or more people. Keep in mind that “love is love” leaves room for homosexual, heterosexual, bisexual, perhaps even “minor attracted persons” (phrase hot off the depraved press), and definitely poly-amorous (previously called polygamous) relationships. Be sure that whatever society’s rules are today, will be more permissive, and more confusing, tomorrow. Eventually there will be no limit to the things that it’ll be acceptable to have a sexual relationship with (AI girlfriend, etc.). And remember, society replaced God in this verse with their version of “love” (sex). This phrase “love is love” is cute enough to make you feel warm and fuzzy inside, but vague enough to be absolutely meaningless. They say a picture is worth 1000 words, so the next time you see the phrase “love is love”, take careful note of the pictures surrounding it. It promotes the idea that a sexual relationship is love and love creates happiness, and love is whatever you want it to be. Since God says he is love, we cannot hold to a biblical worldview and claim that God is sex or that sex is love. Certainly God cannot be whatever you want him to be and still be God. So what then would God have us know about gender, love, sex, marriage, and other such issues?

So what does the Bible actually say about sexuality, gender, and marriage?

As the author of this article, I’m extremely lucky. The Bible has many scriptures that provide direction on all issues of life. Because there is so much contention on this particular subject, I’m going to be heavy on scripture, but I want to start right now and make sure you know that regardless of what you’ve done, how you look, or who you’ve been with– If you’re seeking and following after God and have submitted yourself to him and his word, the following scriptures do not condemn you.

“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death.”

Romans 8:1,2

What is love?

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”

Corinthians 13:4-8

Who should we love?

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”

Mark 12:30-31

Who can or should we have a sexual relationship with?

“Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.”

Hebrews 13:4

If sexual relationships are acceptable only within a marriage, who can a person marry?

“So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it….'”

Genesis 1:27,28(a)

“That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.”

Genesis 2:24

“…God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed shameful acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their error.”

Romans 1:26-27

Since the Bible condones only a life long, heterosexual, monogamous relationship between 1 man and 1 woman, what if I have sexual urges that do not fall in this category?

“It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body a in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God;”

1 Thessalonians 4:3-5

“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”

1 Corinthians 10:13

“But I say, walk by the Spirit and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh.”

Galatians 5:16

What if I have a desire to live out my life as if I were different than my biological gender?

“The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman’s garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the LORD thy God.”

Deuteronomy 22:5

“Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators,… nor effeminate … shall inherit the kingdom of God.”

1 Corinthians 6:9-11
*effeminate is a male who male attempts to appear female

Closing Remarks

Scripture goes very deep into what a marriage should look like, down to explaining that you can’t marry your close relatives. It even talks about how often married couples should have sexual relations. The Bible is absolutely full or references about marriage, sex, children, raising a family, and many other topics. Many people get uncomfortable talking about these subjects because they neither want to confront anyone nor be confronted by anyone. If we had humility we would be eager to change our behavior to line up with the word of God. Often, however,i t’s a tough pill to swallow when we read scripture that doesn’t match up with how we (or our loved ones) are living. The more plain and simple that things are defined, the more we try and distort those definitions to justify fleshly desires. The more uncomfortable, self righteous and dare I say rebellious we become, the less we are interested in reading or hearing the word. We can easily find ourselves just like Eve, contorting scripture to fit our desires, rather than bringing our desires into submission to God.

We have to take the lead when we’re guiding our children in the faith. Our natural desires are fleshly, and we have to crucify those desires daily, asking God to renew our heart and give us new, Godly, desires. In our life, it’s absolutely certain that we’ll be tempted to give in to a sinful desire. Whenever we yield to our flesh, whatever consequences arise out of those situations may be outside of our control. We want to train our children to live and walk in the spirit continually so that they can live in peace, love and joy, and avoid the chaotic consequences that come from living in sin.

The main purpose of this article was not to tell you every answer to every gender, sexuality, or marriage question you can think of. I barely scratched the surface of Biblical answers available to the few questions we covered. I wanted to show you that the Bible covers the issues of life in detail, and that the Spirit can help you know what to say and when to say it when raising your children. There is not a single life issue that God leaves us in darkness about– he has something to say about every aspect of our lives, and his word is there to give us light and life!

I want to encourage you to walk in the light, and to recognize darkness. Darkness exists when things are hidden, not known, misunderstood, and left unaddressed. Light is brought in when God reveals things to us and when we face issues with our eyes and hearts opened. The issue of sexuality and gender is not one we Christians should take lightly– especially where our children are concerned. It’s folly to let a lost and confused world teach something of such importance to our precious children without biblical input. We should be giving our children the best information, tools, and examples of Godly living we can give, or else, they will walk in fear and confusion. We should surround our children with other Christian influencers. We should attend a church that will pour scripture into our Children, and will not shy away from tough issues. We live in tough times, but all the tools we need are at our disposal if we’ll read the Bible, seek God, and pray.

God bless you and your family.

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